The antidote to fear of being judged is to understand what it is and how to resolve it. Once you know what you are dealing with, you’ll start to develop immunity to it. So, if you find yourself fearing other people’s judgement, here are some things to consider that may help you start dissolving that fear.
1 Judgement is just an opinion
Let’s start from the beginning with the nature of judgement and the nature of judgement is that it is just an opinion. It’s just an opinion about a situation that a person has formed based on their limited understanding of reality. And here’s a little leveller, we all have a limited understanding of reality.
So, judgement is not the absolute truth. Judgement is not reality. Judgement is not a fact. It is just someone’s opinion, their subjective view of the world.
In fact, it’s a window into their soul, psyche, their past, their mental state. Ultimately, when a person is judging another, they are really talking about themselves.
SOLUTION: Use the situation where you are being judged to your advantage. When a person judges they express and reveal themselves. You can get a rough idea of the state of the person’s psychological health by whether they judge others at all and by the harshness of their judgement. The more cruel the criticism, the attack, the more distorted the person’s psyche is, the more inner pain and turmoil they are experiencing. Sadly, though, instead of actually addressing that pain and turmoil directly and therefore resolving it, they instead avoid their suffering at all costs and resort to a quick fix by attacking another person through judging.
2 Judgement is delusional
To judge another is to assume a position of a judge. It is to assume the position of dominance over another human being and the right to decide whether they are guilty and potentially how they should be punished.
This assumption of such a position, of such authority is delusional. Because what is it based on?
SOLUTION: Ask yourself on what grounds they just appointed themselves to be the judge of you? Was there an election/committee you’d missed? What gives them the right, power and authority to judge? They can do that, if they have to and want to, in the privacy of their own mind (I suppose a person may want a hobby to pass the time). But you don’t have to agree with them deciding to become the judge of you.
3 Judgement is moronic
It’s so easy to criticise, devalue, invalidate and find faults with another human. That does not take much intelligence at all. In fact I’d say it’s actually a sign of lack of intelligence and emotional literacy.
Judgement cannot be and should not be taken seriously. It’s just a gibberish of a potentially sick person. They have got no desire or mental/emotional capacity to understand you and your situation. They don’t have a goal to study your situation thoroughly, to gain insight into you and your position. They simply blurt out their verbal diarrhoea.
SOLUTION: Do not take moronic people and the product of their moronic minds seriously. Critical thinking is important here. Ask yourself these questions before you decide to accept their judgement. What is this person really trying to say to me? What is their intention? What effect has it got on me? How does it make me feel? Are they looking to resolve a real issue here or are they just spouting nonsense?
4 Judgement is aggression
The most important thing to understand about judgement is that it is aggression and NO uncalled-for aggression is acceptable. It’s an act of violence where the weapon is words and emotional energy of devaluing, diminishing, despising and even hatred.
Judgement is an attack on the psychological integrity, wellbeing, peace, stability and power of a person.
It is used with the intention to cause another to feel guilt, shame and weakness, to bring them down. The aim here is to hurt the person. This is aggression and violence.
People who judge are bitter, unhealthy and ultimately unhappy people. They are not able to meet their vital needs and this leads to forever growing frustration. Human nervous system is not able to hold so much tension and so it looks for a release. And in our culture and society an easy route to let off steam (read: pent-up aggression) is to attack another human being through criticism, devaluing and so on.
Looking at judgement as aggression helps us stop normalising it and therefore tolerating it. It does not mean you have to constantly fight it, it simply means you can see it for what it is and therefore can be more equipped to deal with it and make a decision whether you want to accept this aggression into your life.
SOLUTION: Would you accept physical aggression and violence directed at you? No. Don’t accept this either. This should not be negotiable. How you may deal with it does depend on a situation. Sometimes ignoring the person and leaving the situation may be the best solution, sometimes the only option is direct confrontation. The main thing is to protect yourself and think about the consequences of your actions and try to resolve the situation in the safest way for yourself.
So here we are. Judgement is a product of an unhealthy mind of an unhealthy person. It is a delusional opinion of an emotionally unintelligent person whose aim is to hurt you and cause you harm and distress. This way they can make themselves feel better temporarily as they release a portion of their pain and feel dominant over you. This is not acceptable! Understanding what judgement is hopefully gives you power to protect yourself from it.