I believe our power is our sense of self. The stronger it is, the stronger we are. The better we see and know ourselves, the more powerful we feel.
How can a narcissist cause us to lose our sense of self?
Narcissists can affect our sense of self both when we are children and adults. Children who are raised by narcissists may develop a false sense of self which is based on the distortions reflected onto the child by the narcissistic parent. This false sense of self is very weak and fragile and can be easily wounded. Such children may grow up into adults who don’t really know who they are and may never develop a healthy sense of self. They may feel disconnected from within. They may feel disconnected from the world and people around them. They may constantly feel not good enough, like they don’t belong anywhere and don’t have a purpose. This is what a powerless state feels like.
You may have had an emotionally-healthy childhood and developed a strong sense of self but you may happen to enter a relationship with a narcissist, be it romance, work or business. This relationship can greatly damage your sense of self, if not obliterate it altogether, if you don’t get out of it soon enough.
Why do narcissists destroy our sense of self?
First we need to understand how a narcissist’s psyche works and then we can look at strategies they employ when interacting with people.
First off, we need to say that the narcissist’s sense of self is damaged. They are deeply insecure people who perceive the world as a very dangerous place where they need to be constantly doing something to survive. Their main objective in life is to survive. They live in a very small and dark place of lack.
Everyone they see is objectified. People are not unique individuals with their personalities. No. They are either something that is useful or a threat. If the narcissist sees a useful resource in you, then they’ll tamper with your sense of self so that you can be more easily manipulated. If you are perceived as a threat and competition for resources, the narcissist will work their way through your psyche and corrode it with their insidious attacks to slowly but surely annihilate you, as in the eyes of the narcissist, all competition must be destroyed.
This is what’s so damaging about being in a relationship with narcissists. They don’t see you as a real, living, breathing person. Your needs, desires, wishes, preferences do not matter and should not exist as far as the narcissist’s concerned as they are just a hindrance to their plans.
They start with creating a sense of doubt in you. They attack you, they lie to you, they question you and they doubt you to undermine your confidence and trust in yourself. This happens over a period of time. When you start doubting yourself, you disconnect from yourself and your power. You are no longer stable and strong. Your perception of reality becomes distorted and your mind is now open to the narcissist to deal with as they please.
If this has happened to you, try to seek help as soon as possible and consider ending a relationship where your psyche is being slowly destroyed. Never underestimate the damage narcissists can cause. Protect and look after yourself!