This is very painful. To think, to even consider the concept of meeting your grief for your loss, makes you shudder and want to run away. But there’s nowhere to run away from it. Well, not really. It’s always here, at the outskirts of your consciousness.
So here we are. Maybe if we face it here together, it might be slightly easier? The children of narcissistic parents are children of sick people who may have been
- Possessive
- Controlling
- Indifferent
- Negligent
- Raging
- Aggressive
- Dangerous
- Scary
- Terrifying
- Demanding
- Absent
- Threatening
- Compulsive
- Cruel
- Cold
- Hostile
- Jealous
And the list goes on…
This sickness cost us a lot. It left a deadening emptiness inside. What have we lost? What was stripped away from us? What was stolen from us now that we find ourselves within this devastatingly barren space?
As you consider this pain, you may find yourself slipping into a state of heaviness, numbness, fogginess, even. As if your aliveness and presence in this moment are replaced by this dark and heavy energy.
This is a very difficult place to find yourself in. Nevertheless, we must go there as we search to reclaim our aliveness, our life force, our peace, our sanity and our meaning.
In these grief-stricken, heavy and painful states, we may feel surrounded by this thick, heavy, ever present energy. It surrounds us like a thick fog making any movement or action, sometimes even being and breathing, difficult.
You cannot orient yourself, you can’t see where you are and where you are going. You can’t see where to place your next step. It is so painful that it makes everything meaningless.
As we find ourselves in this fog, hopeless and helpless maybe, we must bring clarity, understanding, acceptance and therefore healing and dispel this fog.
So first, we need to see who and what we’ve lost to this sickness?
- Ourselves
- Our childhood
- Our health
- Our life force and energy
- Our close ones
- Our joy
- Our true expression and creativity
- Our opportunities
- Our connection with people
- Our warmth, intimacy, closeness
- Our time
With utmost care, compassion and kindness to ourselves, we can choose to move through the fog nevertheless. As you move you may stumble upon memories and images of everything you lost, maybe one thing at a time or all of it together.
When we find it, we can choose to see it as is. We can choose to be honest with ourselves about how we feel having lost it. We can meet our pain. We can meet ourselves in this pain. We can sit and be there with ourselves grieving this loss.
Tuning into yourself, identifying what you lost and acknowledging it are the crucial steps to healing yourself. Yes, it does bring pain and it also brings clarity. Clarity gives you power, it moves you out of the fog of hopelessness and helplessness. You know what to do now and it is to grieve your losses. It needs to happen. It is a part of healing. Conscious grieving is healing!
When we don’t push away or rush our grief, when we treat it with respect, care and tenderness, there comes a time when we will know we are done. The light will reach you and dispel the fog bringing clarity, freshness and a renewed energy to your life.